Legendary Pokémon

Full Version: The Pokeventure
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This is a story of Silver™ and his pokemon adventure uhhh through kalos
Lets begin

Silver:Gonna get my first pokemon,Who should I pick I am early very early so I have all 18 to choose from!!!

Prof.sycamore: "So silver who do you pick although as they say the early trainer gets the pokemon"

Silver:yes I pick Cyndiquil!"

Prof.sycamore:"ok then here's your cyndiquill 5pokeballs and your pokedex good luck!!!"

Silver: thank you! Bye !!"

And so this is end of chapter errr part 1 chap 1 bye
Silver needs a psychic type pokemon!!!
1. You write bad.
2. The professor talks like "hey dude, take your pokemon and the balls must be on the bench, ok? Don't forget to close the door when leaving, i'll be upstairs sleeping".
3. "Cyndiquil"? Can't you even bother looking it up?
4. So short for a chapter, not to mention the pilot must longer than other chapters.
5. So many dialogs. It gets boring.
6. So many exclamation marks! Annoying...
7. Try using (proper) punctuation so we can understand what you mean on first read.

8. Don't be bored when writing. No "uhhh" and "errr". It's not kind at all.
9. You need to at least start your story by describing the weather,location and introducing the protagonist to the readers.
10. Do we have to wait a whole year for a new chapter?
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