Legendary Pokémon

Pikachu: Hello folks. As I'm sure you all know, we will all die tomorrow.
Chilla: Or at least, the faithful shall go to heaven, leaving the rest to die.
Pikachu: But yeah...for you greek people, you are all gonna die. Mass panic is advised.
Oshawott: AAAAAAHHH!!! PANIC AND FEAR!!! PANIC AND FEEEEAAAR!!!
Snivy: I REPENT FOR USING AN AR! FORGIVE ME!!!
Chilla: I ALWAYS LOVED YOU PIKACHU!!!
...
Pikachu: WHAT the @#$%?
Snivy: Awkward...
Chilla: Erm...I meant that...platonically!
Pikachu: Oh...well, thats okay then.
Samus: Well, this would be a typical reaction for those of you who only got HALF the facts.
Vulpix: What are you SAYING?
Ridley: We're SAYING that this whole "doomsday prophicy" is coming from some 90 year old crack job. And for the record, I'd be surprised if HE made it through the end of the month.
Oshawott: So...we AREN'T all going to die?
GLaDOS: I know what is going to happen. For I have ALL the answers!
Oshawott: Okay then GLaDOS, will the world end or not.
GLaDOS: I would tell you...but you people are so unlikable, that it would be a waste of my efforts. Goodbye. And by the way, I really DID have cake you bastard!
Samus: What the hell was that for?
Pikachu: Subplot I guess. So, are we gonna die or not?
Samus: No, you aren't going to die. I garuntee that.
Giratina88: I'm going with you for once on this one Samus.
Pikachu: Oh my god, its our great creator, Giratina88!
Giratina88 the Destroyer has now arived on the scene, ready to prove that Rapture is about as real as the one in Bioshock.
Giratina88: Thank you commentator/myself. Interesting analogy though-
Vulpix: THE RAPTURE WILL COME!!! HIDE YOUR CHILDREN!!! I better hide mine...
Pikachu: Wait...how do you-
Oshawott: Sigh...don't ask. Please.
Chilla: I'm still amazed we are able to see each other despite different time fields in our shows.
Pikachu: Is that how we do it?
Snivy: Actually, yes. Since our shows hardley take place in the same time period (in fact, Pokerus happens at least 5 years BEFORE the events of The Samus and Pikachu Show) we have to use some kind of complicated wormhole plot device thingy just to make these events happen. Which of course takes-
Giratina88: Be quiet! We are talking about Rapture, not complicated phsysics.
Samus: Anyways, this old person has actually tried predicting the end of the world before. He once predicted it to be in 1994. When it didn't come, that guy and the people with him claimed that "They didn't understand the Bible at the time." So NOW we have a prophicy that has come from them actually READING the Bible! Now, all they need to do is translate it to ENGLISH.
Ridley: I couldn't have said it better myself Samus.
GLaDOS: I can.
Vulpix: Oh boy! What's YOUR prediction?
GLaDOS: I predict that you are an unlikable bitch.
Oshawott: WOW!!! How did you GUESS? YEOWCH!!!
Oshawott is promptly smacked around a bit by Vulpix with a large trout
Tristan: Its funny because wang means pe-
Giratina88: Wrong time, wrong place.
Snivy: My voice gives me Brooklyn rage...in america.
Pikachu: Attention DULISTS!
Chilla: Super special awesome!
Giratina88: God damn it! Not the YGOTAS reference retardation! Sigh...maybe the appocalypse IS upon us.

thats all I have to say about Rapture for now folks

As the creator of XKCD said,I will start worrying about the Rapture when it can use its claws to open doors. Oh wait....

Pikachu: Welcome back folks to Rapture Time!
Chilla: The ONLY place were we not only count down to the end, but also provide you with entertainment!
Giratina88: Well, so far, I haven't seen any signs that Rapture is going to happen.
Snivy: What do you mean by that?
Giratina88: The Bible states that there are many catastrophes to happen before God's judgment, and so far, NONE of them have clearly happened. In fact, I have the Bible with me RIGHT NOW!
Giratina88 pulls out the Holy Bible, the worlds most controversial book, out to show the others.
Vulpix: Read it already! Show us what shall happen!
Giratina88: Well, first of all, the book of Revelation states that God will open 7 seals of judgment. The first seal releases a rider armed with a bow and seated upon a white horse (symbolizing war). The rider is given a crown and sets out to conquer.
Pikachu: Well, the Bible isn't meant to be taken LITERALLY you know. And we have had so many wars lately.
Giratina88: Although yes, the Bible isn't meant to be literal, this "Revelation" crap is so vague. I mean, the world has ALWAYS been fighting. Its the same as always. According to Revelation, the second seal brings forth the second horseman, mounted on a bright red horse (symbolizing bloodshed). this rider wields a giant sword, and removes peace from the earth so that people begin to kill each other.
Ridley: BEGIN to kill each other?!? People have ALWAYS been killing each other!
Chilla: Which just shows its all a bunch of baloney.
Pikachu: Well, what about the other seals?
Giratina88: It states here that the third seal ushers in the third horseman, mounted on-
Oshawott: What is it with all these horseman? Doesn't God have ANY creativity?
Giratina88: Shut up Oshawott! Anyways, the third horseman carries a scale to judge people. This rider's horse is black (symbolizing famine), representing the lack of food and intense hunger that inevitably followed war in the ancient Near East. This famine will lead to huge prices in wheat and barley.
Samus: And while that may be do to the apocalyptic warfare, its more likely prices are high these days due to an equally apocalyptic factor called inflation, which we are still complaining about.
Giratina88: The 4th seal releases yet ANOTHER horseman: "Death." He rides a pale green horse (symbolizing the color of death), and is given power over a quarter of the earth to kill with a variety of weapons...
Oshawott: Okay, that DEFINITELY hasn't happened yet.
Giratina88: When it does, we will tell you. And now, the COUNTDOWN CLOCK!!!

Countdown to Rapture (USA): 7:00:00
Countdown to Rapture (Greece): 2:00:00

Pikachu: Time's up for those of you in Greece!
Giratina88: Supposedly...anyways, until I come up with new ideas, here is the countdown clock

Countdown to Rapture: 4:59:47

Giratina88: And we are back with the 5th, 6th, and 7th seal thingys!
Oshawott: So...after all that horseman crap, whats in those?
Giratina88: The 5th seal reveals the souls of the martyrs, who ask Jesus, "How long before you will judge and avenge our blood on those who dwell on the earth?" They are told it won't be long until they receive their desired justice. However, for the rest of us, it means nothing.
Vulpix: When are we gonna get to the whole world blowing up thingys?!?
Samus: Calm yourself...we're getting there.
Giratina88: Right! The 6th seal brings with it the "great day of God's wrath," a day foretold by the prophets of the Hebrew Bible. However, there happen to be a great many of these days of wrath in Revelation. In preparation for God's judgment, the earth quakes, the sun turns black, the moon turns blood red, the stars fall, and the islands and mountains disappear.
Ridley: And so far...none of that has happened at ALL.
Pikachu: I'm guessing the whole "sun turning black" thing is a solar eclipse?
Ridley: And the moon turning red is a lunar eclipse.
Samus: But none of those can happen simultaneously, so thats out.
Snivy: Not only that, but stars can't fall, and the islands and mountains haven't disappeared yet.
Chilla: Jesus Christ! This book is FULL of crap!
Giratina88: Yeah...thats a very smart thing to say...about the BIBLE!
Vulpix: Stop monologuing! Get on with the seals!
Giratina88: Sorry about that. Now, between the opening of the 6th and 7th seals, 4 angels are placed at the 4 corners of the world, poised to destroy it and all its inhabitants. I'm not sure what kind of drugs they are on, but I could really use some. Anyways, one angel is given a seal of protection to be placed upon the foreheads of 144,000 people, 12,000 from each of the 12 tribes of Israel...it seems. This number of people will escape God's final judgment.
Oshawott: Whoa whoa whoa, I thought God already sent his judgment!
Snivy: Seems as though he has more coming, whats the countdown clock say?
Giratina88: I'll bring it up.

Countdown to Rapture (east coast): 4:15:39
Countdown to Rapture (mid west): 5:15:39
Countdown to Rapture (rocky mountains): 6:15:39
Countdown to Rapture (west coast): 7:15:39

yes, it took me THAT long to think up of stuff.

Giratina88: Okay folks, looks like we have only 18 minutes left now to the supposed "Rapture".
Vulpix: And thanks to you, we turned this place into some kind of Revelation discussion thread. I think I should do something before I die...
Oshawott: I hope this doesn't involve me!
Oshawott of course, starts on sprinting away, with Vulpix sprinting after him.
Vulpix: Waaaaaaaaiiiit Oshy!!! We only have a few more minutes to live! What do you have to lose?
Oshawott: My virginity...oh wait, I already lost that.
Pikachu: How did you-
Snivy: Don't ask.
Giratina88: Anyways, on the opening of the 7th seal, there is first a period of silence. Then, seven angels will blast seven trumpets. God must REALLY like the number 7, because he sure uses it a lot. Back on topic, a disaster will strike the earth with each blast. The first one being fire and hail mixing with blood killing tons of vegetation. 2nd, a fiery rock the size of a mountain will fall into the sea, destroying a bunch of marine life. Then a star named woodworm (it should be noted that the mountain and the star are both meteorites) will fall into the earth's rivers, contaminating them and killing many people and fish.
Pikachu: How does a meteorite CONTAMINATE stuff?
Snivy: Maybe its has the deoxys virus.
Giratina88: Quiet! We are short on time, you know. Anyways, then the sun will turn dark, locusts will attack, and 200 million artillery will kill tones of the earths people. The sounding of the seventh trumpet will signify that it is time for God to judge the earth.
Samus: So of course, seeing that those events haven't happened yet (well they kind of have actually, but some are common events, and one happened a LONG time ago), we won't die. Take THAT fundamentalist christianity! Hows the clock looking?

Countdown to Rapture (east coast): 0:03:24
Countdown to Rapture (mid west): 1:03:23
Countdown to Rapture (rocky mountains): 2:03:23
Countdown to Rapture (west coast): 3:03:23

Giratina88: Aaaaand thats it for the seals, but thats not it for revelation! After "rapture" we will see what happens to the unrightious left on earth!

Rapture? What the heck are you talking about?

Rapture is some part of the Apocalypse where God takes the rightious to heaven to have them spared of the disasters that strike earth following right after it. Some 90 year old guy predicted that it would be today at 6 pm for each time zone, so this has prompted many debates.

Ah, yes. I've heard similar rumors.

Oh Houston I think we have a problem. It's 7 o`clock around here. No rapture. Thanks god, I could not apologise to that many people in 2 days ._.
...Just kidding ofc

This is rofl copter to ground control. Its been hours and we still haven't had Rapture. Over.

Ground Control to rofl copter. We've received word that a new prediction has been made. Unfortunately, the data was lost. Over.

Lollercoaster to ground control: try to guess the number of ducks we're giving about the rapture. HINT: It's less than one.

This is Rofl Copter to Lollercoaster: The new date is on October 21st...over.

(28-05-2011 03:49 PM)Giratina88 Wrote: [ -> ]This is Rofl Copter to Lollercoaster: The new date is on October 21st...over.

Everyone knows the world will REALLY end when the space pirates destroy our planet!