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(18-11-2013 07:24 AM)grassdragon Wrote: [ -> ]Spearow: This boy was making fun of and tossing things at one of my Doduo friends
because he isn’t a good flyer. I must teach him a lesson.

That claim is completely baseless and without fact! Doduo can easily Fly! Toungue



Ahem:
Content: 8/10. There were some grammatical errors, and better vocabulary could have been used, but otherwise the work was flawless. The explanation of the different clans added a touch of flavor into the world, and the story mounted up quickly and gracefully (far faster than my story is mounting up).

Length: 10/10. Only a novelist could write a longer chapter than that. I try to make my chapters as long as possible, but that chapter was staggeringly huge. Keep it up!

Details: 9/10. I like the description of the characters (especially the secret crush between Thanasis and Noel. Nice touch!) and the environment, although there's something missing that is keeping you from achieving perfection. I have no idea what it is, but there's a certain touch missing.

I'm wondering, when I finish GKA, if my next story will be a Medievel Pokemon story like this one.
(19-11-2013 04:04 AM)Alcovich Wrote: [ -> ]
(18-11-2013 07:24 AM)grassdragon Wrote: [ -> ]Spearow: This boy was making fun of and tossing things at one of my Doduo friends
because he isn’t a good flyer. I must teach him a lesson.

That claim is completely baseless and without fact! Doduo can easily Fly! Toungue
It was simply a Doduo that was just learning how to fly.
Btw, that's a Dodrio in that picture, not a Doduo.

(19-11-2013 04:04 AM)Alcovich Wrote: [ -> ]Ahem:
Content: 8/10. There were some grammatical errors, and better vocabulary could have been used, but otherwise the work was flawless. The explanation of the different clans added a touch of flavor into the world, and the story mounted up quickly and gracefully (far faster than my story is mounting up).
If you would be so kind to point out the grammatical errors, I will gladly fix them. English isn't my best subject. :/

(19-11-2013 04:04 AM)Alcovich Wrote: [ -> ]Length: 10/10. Only a novelist could write a longer chapter than that. I try to make my chapters as long as possible, but that chapter was staggeringly huge. Keep it up!
I almost made it longer. I had to make myself stop at a good place of suspense.

(19-11-2013 04:04 AM)Alcovich Wrote: [ -> ]Details: 9/10. I like the description of the characters (especially the secret crush between Thanasis and Noel. Nice touch!) and the environment, although there's something missing that is keeping you from achieving perfection. I have no idea what it is, but there's a certain touch missing.
I'll see if I can figure out what's missing.

(19-11-2013 04:04 AM)Alcovich Wrote: [ -> ]I'm wondering, when I finish GKA, if my next story will be a Medievel Pokemon story like this one.
So we can expect this next story of yours to get started by 2020? Toungue
Maybe Grey will have his second badge by then. Toungue Toungue


Here's a tidbit about my writing. I rarely plan ahead. I usually just sit down and start typing whatever I think would make a good story and before I know it, I've got a decent story.
(19-11-2013 04:51 AM)grassdragon Wrote: [ -> ]
(19-11-2013 04:04 AM)Alcovich Wrote: [ -> ]I'm wondering, when I finish GKA, if my next story will be a Medievel Pokemon story like this one.
So we can expect this next story of yours to get started by 2020? Toungue
Maybe Grey will have his second badge by then. Toungue Toungue

Challenge Accepted.
Chapter Seven shall be finished tonight!
(19-11-2013 11:39 PM)Alcovich Wrote: [ -> ]
(19-11-2013 04:51 AM)grassdragon Wrote: [ -> ]
(19-11-2013 04:04 AM)Alcovich Wrote: [ -> ]I'm wondering, when I finish GKA, if my next story will be a Medievel Pokemon story like this one.
So we can expect this next story of yours to get started by 2020? Toungue
Maybe Grey will have his second badge by then. Toungue Toungue

Challenge Accepted.
Chapter Seven shall be finished tonight!
We shall see.


Also, I should have Chapter 2 up by the end of the week.
I have 1/3 of it written.
Okay, I lied.

How about by Friday?
Chapter 2

Aaron: It happened three days ago. It started out as a normal day. As you know, the Grass Clan lived in the Great Oak Forest beneath the Flying Clan.

Amidst the majestic Great Oaks is the Grass Clan’s home. They live in huts that are made out of Oak branches that are bound together with vines from a Venusaur. Aaron has brown hair, and a fair complexion. He is wearing a leaf-green colored t-shirt and brown pants. Like Thanasis, Aaron has the ability to talk to the Pokémon he takes care of, in other words, Grass Types. Aaron is sitting with and talking to a Venusaur, however, it’s not just any Venusaur. It’s a Venusaur that Aaron bonded with when he rescued it as a Bulbasaur when it was attacked by an angry Kadabra.

Aaron: Good morning Venusaur.

Venusaur: Good morning Aaron. This early morning sunshine sure feels good.

Aaron: Yeah. The Bellsprout are really enjoying this sun.

As Aaron and Venusaur are enjoying the sunny morning, a sudden Heat Wave hits.

Aaron: Venusaur, could you open your leaves wider and shade me from the sun?

Venusaur: No problem Aaron.

Venusaur’s leaves extend and cover Aaron but it isn’t long before they start to wilt in the intense heat.

Venusaur: This Heat is unatural. It shouldn’t be able to make my leaves wither.

Aaron: I think you’re right.

High in the sky are two men riding Charizards.

Scout: The Burial Grounds are right below us sir. There have also been reports that Thanasis makes his home here.

Leader: Good, good. This Heat Wave caused by these two Charizards should make the Grass Clan sluggish and it shall allow us to raid the tomb and kidnap Thanasis. Let’s begin. Charizard, use Flamethrower!

Back on the ground Aaron looks up just in time to see a Flamethrower hit his Clan’s huts and the surrounding forest.

Aaron: NOOOOOO!!!

Aaron runs toward the huts but it is too late, his entire Clan is dead. The two men land.

Leader (frowns): You’re not Thanasis. Who are you?

Aaron: I’m the leader of the Grass Clan that you just destroyed.

Leader: Oh. What a pity. I shall now take you hostage. (ties Aaron up) (to Scout) Kill that Venusaur as well Scout.

Scout: Yes sir. Charizard, use Blast Burn on Venusaur.

Aaron: NOOOOO! VENUSAUR RUN!!!!!!!!

Venusaur tries to escape but Charizard’s Blast Burn hits it directly and Venusaur is severely burned. It falls.

Aaron: (quietly) NO!

Leader: Now, take us to the Burial Grounds.

Aaron: (shocked): What? Is that why you’re here? Just because of a legend?

Leader: It is no legend you fool. It’s our history.

Aaron: The Clan Wars are just a myth, just like the Charmander that died is a myth.

Leader: You’re no use to me right now. (to Scout) Scout! Take Aaron to the abandoned house and make sure his stay there is as unpleasant as possible.

As Aaron’s story comes to a close, Noel is in tears and Thanasis is shocked.

Aaron: That was the last I saw of the man who was called Leader. His Scout was the one who constantly tried to find out where you were, Thanasis.

Thanasis: Aaron, I’m so sorry. We must avenge your Clan and your Venusaur!

Noel: Aaron, you’ve been through so much in the past few days, come back with us to where our Clan is hidden so we can get you back to full health and formulate a strategy to retaliate against these foes.

Aaron: However can I thank you for saving me?

Thanasis: You do as Noel suggests and come with us.

Aaron: I will, but first there is something you should know.

Thanasis: What?

Aaron: The Leader was right. The Clan Wars are our history.

Noel: What do you mean?

Aaron: Hundreds of years ago, there were people who wanted to forsake Pokémon and started a Revolution against the Clans. The war was going well for the Revolutionaries until they found a Charmander and captured and killed it. The mother Charizard destroyed the forest and severely burned the leaders, our ancestors. The surviving members buried the Charmander in the remains of the Forest which, with the tender love and care of the remaining Clan members, would eventually redevelop into what we called the Great Oak Forest.

Noel: That still doesn’t explain why they were after Thanasis and looking for the Burial Grounds. What good would that do?

Aaron: There is another myth that states the Charmander’s coloring wasn’t normal. It says that the body was Golden.

Thanasis: A Golden Charmander? I understand why they are after me now.

Noel: Why?

Thanasis: It’s not safe here. You never know what Pokémon may be listening. We must get to our Clan now!

Aaron: Where is your Clan?

Thanasis: You’ll see.

As Thanasis, Noel, and Aaron are traveling to the Flying Clan’s temporary home in Zapdos’s Den, the Scout has discovered that Aaron is no longer entrapped in the abandoned house and is reporting back to his leader.

Scout: Leader!

Leader: What?

Scout: Aaron is gone.

Leader (icily): What do you mean Aaron is gone? He was chained to the floor.

Scout: Well…(looks down) It appears that someone found him and freed him.

Leader: WHAT? Where were you?

Scout (cowering): I was looking for the Mankey that took my hat.

Leader: (to his guard): Guard, throw this Scout to the Machamp.

Scout (horrified) No! Not that! I’ll recapture Aaron sir!

Leader: You have two days.

Scout: Yes Sir.

The Scout departs.

Leader: I can’t believe that insolent Scout let my only advantage against Thanasis get away.

Many miles away, in a costal Clan, more trouble is brewing. As Water Clan Leader Alcovich is about to find out, two of his Clan’s fishermen are hungry for the Sacred Golden Magikarp. The Water Clan cares for all Water Types but they hold the Sacred Golden Magikarp in the highest esteem. It is illegal to even think about eating it. The Water Clan’s houses are made out of Elm limbs tied together with dried seaweed. Alcovich has brown hair and sea-green eyes. He has a long jagged scar above his right eye that he bears proudly because he obtained it when he bare handedly fought off a Rogue Kingler that was attacking his Clan. He is wearing a water-blue t-shirt and emerald colored shorts. He not only can communicate with Water Type Pokémon but he can breathe underwater as well. It is a gift that was bestowed on the members of the Water Clan by the Red Gyarados, after the first Water Clan Leader saved the Water Type Pokémon from the Electric Clan. Alcovich is swimming with his Staryu friend that he met when it had gotten stranded on the beach. Alcovich helped Staryu get back to the ocean and afterwards, Staryu came by every morning to swim with Alcovich. During the swim, Alcovich sees a Krabby, a school of Magikarp, and a lone Squirtle swim by.

Alcovich: This is a wonderful swim, isn’t it Staryu?

Staryu: Yes, it surely is.

Alcovich: Water Pokemon surely are amazing.

As Alcovich nears the end of his morning swim with Staryu, he sees Sandy, his blonde hair, blue-eyed girlfriend approaching for her morning swim with him. Sandy is wearing a seaweed green bikini. Alcovich surfaces to greet her.

Alcovich: Morning beautiful!

Sandy (blushes): Good morning handsome!

They briefly kiss.

Alcovich: There’s something I want to show you!

Sandy: Can I get a hint?

Alcovich (smiles): Nope! It’s a surprise.

Sandy: Ooh! I can’t wait!

Alcovich leads Sandy to a Coral Reef. The Coral Reef is beautiful. Surrounded by coral of every color you can imagine is a gigantic Cloyster. Alcovich motions for Sandy to come closer. As she does, Alcovich tells the Cloyster to open its mouth. It does and Alcovich reaches in and pulls out a huge Pink Pearl. He then motions to Sandy to surface.

Alcovich: This Pink Pearl is one of a kind. I want you to have it Sandy.

Sandy: (blushes) Oh Alcovich, I love it!

She kisses him. They then start to head home.They are about two miles from shore when Alcovich senses a tidal wave heading towards him. He signals for them to surface.

Alcovich: Sandy, get behind me.

Sandy: What’s wrong?

Alcovich: There’s a Tidal Wave heading towards us. I’m sending a distress call to Lapras.

Lapras appears and uses Protect on Alcovich and Sandy and Lapras’s Water Absorb absorbs most of the Tidal Wave.

Alcovich and Sandy: Thanks Lapras!

Lapras: You’re welcome!

Lapras departs and Alcovich and Sandy make it back home safely.
Awesome, i can't wait to read more, i tell you it's better than your Sinnoh story Toungue

I like how you make the chapters kinda big, it's great and i really like that you put details so we can imagine the characters Big Grin

Question: Are there gonna be wanderers that they aren't part of a Clan? Toungue
(21-11-2013 11:23 AM)Grim Ripper Wrote: [ -> ]Awesome, i can't wait to read more, i tell you it's better than your Sinnoh story Toungue
Thanks!

(21-11-2013 11:23 AM)Grim Ripper Wrote: [ -> ]I like how you make the chapters kinda big, it's great and i really like that you put details so we can imagine the characters Big Grin
In this Fanfic, I wanted the characters to come alive to my readers. I think that because of this, I'm enjoying this story more than my Arceus one.

(21-11-2013 11:23 AM)Grim Ripper Wrote: [ -> ]Question: Are there gonna be wanderers that they aren't part of a Clan? Toungue
Possibly. That just gave me a good idea! Thanks!
(21-11-2013 07:37 AM)grassdragon Wrote: [ -> ]Alcovich has brown hair and brown eyes.

Lies! Only a person who looks like Percy Jackson can be the leader of a Water-type clan! ToungueBig Grin
That'd be brown hair and sea-green eyes.

On another note, instead of T-shirts and shorts, shouldn't the Clan people be wearing robes and leather and stuff? It is medieval times, after all.

On another other note, those Fire-types are really jerkish people. Are they the red herring, or the legitimate threat?

Grim Ripper Wrote:Question: Are there gonna be wanderers that they aren't part of a Clan? Toungue
You should do this. Ronin were a regular part of medieval life.

Overall, you have outdone yourself with this chapter. Can you keep up the pace?
(22-11-2013 01:02 AM)Alcovich Wrote: [ -> ]
(21-11-2013 07:37 AM)grassdragon Wrote: [ -> ]Alcovich has brown hair and brown eyes.

Lies! Only a person who looks like Percy Jackson can be the leader of a Water-type clan! ToungueBig Grin
That'd be brown hair and sea-green eyes.
Done.

(22-11-2013 01:02 AM)Alcovich Wrote: [ -> ]On another note, instead of T-shirts and shorts, shouldn't the Clan people be wearing robes and leather and stuff? It is medieval times, after all.
Probably. I'm probably not going to change it though.

(22-11-2013 01:02 AM)Alcovich Wrote: [ -> ]On another other note, those Fire-types are really jerkish people. Are they the red herring, or the legitimate threat?

You'll just have to wait and see.

(22-11-2013 01:02 AM)Alcovich Wrote: [ -> ]
Grim Ripper Wrote:Question: Are there gonna be wanderers that they aren't part of a Clan? Toungue
You should do this. Ronin were a regular part of medieval life.


(22-11-2013 01:02 AM)Alcovich Wrote: [ -> ]Overall, you have outdone yourself with this chapter. Can you keep up the pace?
Thanks. I'll do my best keep up the pace. I've set a high bar for myself.

I'll probably have Chapter 3 out next week since I'm off all week for Thanksgiving.


Btw, I'm only using Gen I Pokemon in this story.

Would anybody like to speculate why the bad guys are after Thanasis?
I do love speculation.
He knows a secret that is very well-kept by the Fire clan and Thanasis must be eliminated to keep this secret.

Or, the Fire clan just watches too much Avatar: The Last Airbender. Toungue
UPDATE:
I have resumed writing!!!

Chapter 3 should be out before the end of the month Big Grin
Glad to hear it.

I, as well, have become active again and should cobble something together soon.
Well......some bad things have happened and I won't get Chapter three out until sometime in March.... It's halfway done though Big Grin
~ Chapter 3 ~

Alcovich and Sandy are just settling in for lunch when Matty comes in with the devastating news. Matty has light brown eyes and part of his hair is blue and the other part is green like the ocean. Matty is wearing green pants and a t-shirt with a Mudkip on it because he lieks Mudkipz. The conversation is so intense that they don’t hear what’s going on outside.

Matty: Alcovich, come quick, there are some fishermen trying to catch the golden Magikarp.

Alcovich: WHAT?!?! Don’t they know that’s forbidden?!?!?

Matty: I don’t think they care anymore.

Alcovich: Catastrophe will come if harm comes to the Golden Magikarp!

Sandy: What will happen?

Alcovich: Sandy, all I can say right now is that it will be devastating for the world. to Matty Where are they?

Matty: The fishermen are down near the waterfall where it is speculated that the Golden Magikarp makes its home.

Alcovich: THEY WENT TO THE FORBIDDEN WATERFALL!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

Matty: Yes.

Sandy: Isn’t that the home of the Golden Magikarp?

Alcovich: That’s not the home of the Golden Magikarp. That’s the home of
something dangerous.

Sandy: And that would be??

Alcovich grimly: The rampaging Poliwrath.

Matty: Wait. I thought that was just a myth that we used to scare our children into behaving.

Alcovich: No. Many years ago, I came across the Poliwrath by accident and it was only by luck that I escaped with my life. That’s why the waterfall is forbidden. I must go immediately!

Sandy: Let me come with you.

Alcovich heads to the door

Alcovich: No! It’s going to be hard enough to save those fishermen. I don’t want to risk your life too. (Alcovich opens the door) I lov…. What the heck?

Even though it is the hottest part of the day, it is frozen outside.

Alcovich: (looks around) I think our troubles just got a whole heck of a lot worse than just the Poliwrath.

As Alcovich, Sandy, and Matty gaze upon their newest problem; Aaron, Thanasis, and Noel have arrived at Zapdos’s Den. Zapdos’s Den is in a cave at the top of an inactive volcano. The path to the top of the volcano was rough and, in some places, non-existent. The Den is quite vast and has a huge nest in the center of it where Zapdos is currently residing. Zapdos is the majestic thunderbird of legend. Zapdos gets up when he sees
Thanasis. Aaron is just standing there awestruck with his mouth wide open as Zapdos comes to talk to Thanasis. Noel is calmly standing there waiting to see what happens.


Zapdos: Thanasis, what brings your clan to my home?

Thanasis: Zapdos, you once promised me that if my clan ever needed protecting, you would protect them.

Zapdos: This is true. May I ask what threatens your clan?

Thanasis: Zapdos, this is my good friend Aaron. A few days ago his clan was attacked and killed by an unknown enemy. Aaron was taken prisoner until I saved him. He told me the men who killed his clan were after me. It has to do with the Golden Charmander.

Zapdos: You know about the prophecy Thanasis?

Thanasis: When the three that are golden are found and sacrificed, the ancestor of all Pokémon shall be summoned and controlled by that person.

Zapdos: Who told you this?

Thanasis: When I was eight, my father told me right before he passed away. He said that it was the Flying Clan’s duty to remember the prophecy because one day, one of us would play an important part in it.

Zapdos: Interesting. I must alert Moltres and Articuno of the situation. You will be safe here. Zapdos flies away and Noel walks towards Thanasis

Noel: What did Zapdos say?

Thanasis: He said that we are safe here.

Noel breathes a sigh of relief Thank goodness.

Aaron: Thanasis, tells us now, what was the significance of the Golden Charmander?

Thanasis: There is a prophecy; when the three that are golden are found and sacrificed, the ancestor of all Pokémon shall be summoned and controlled by that person. The Golden Charmander was apparently sacrificed long ago meaning that there are two golden Pokémon left to be sacrificed before the ancestor of all Pokémon is awakened.

Aaron: Wait…who is the ancestor of all Pokémon?

Thanasis: I don’t know. The legend is that the Ancestor of all the Pokémon can be used to enslave all of human and Pokémon kind.

Noel: We need to find the remaining Golden Pokémon before they are sacrificed so we can prevent this possible calamity.

As Noel, Thanasis and Aaron are planning what they are going to do next; Alcovich, Matty, and Sandy face their newest problem.

Alcovich: Why the heck is it frozen?

What was once warm water is now a frozen wasteland as far as Alcovich can see. Sandy emerges from her home shivering.

Sandy: What the?

The short silence is interrupted by Matty

Matty: This is so cool!

Alcovich: That pun was terrible!

Matty: I know. I was just trying to break the cold hard silence.

Sandy (rolls her eyes): Be serious! Our home is frozen and it appears that
the doors to most of the huts are frozen shut! We have to help our clan
get out!

Alcovich: Sandy is right! Matty, get a rock and find something sharp so we can break the ice.

Matty: Yes sir!

Matty heads off to find a rock and something sharp.

Alcovich: to Sandy First, find something warmer for you to wear.
Second, see if you can find anything that we could use to build a decent fire.

Sandy: Sure! she kisses him quickly before departing

Alcovich thinking to himself: How could this happen? It’s the middle of summer and everything is frozen…WAIT……the startling realization turns to sheer terror once he remembers that dreadful dream….

Meanwhile, somewhere even farther away. There are three mysterious people. They do not seem to be of any clan and their appearance is hidden by the shadow of a great tree.

Fire: To think, it’s been nearly 30 years but soon…..our search will be over.

Water: Yes, the clans are fools if they think they could do anything to
stop us.

Grass: We are the “outliers”, the outcasts that were driven from the clans…and we WILL prevail.
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