20-10-2014, 09:05 PM
good job gd 
(wonder when I'll find some time to write,too... -_- school is not cool)
(wonder when I'll find some time to write,too... -_- school is not cool)14-12-2014, 04:52 AM
I'm disappointed in you, Grassdragon.
You had the perfect opportunity to make an awesome fight scene in Part 1, and you just let it die. Seriously.
No, I'm not actually mad about it.
? Two, it was kind of unclear where the flashback began and ended. When I first read it, I didn't know why Sandy got shot in the back twice. When you do flashbacks in the future, try to make them clearer.
By the way...
Medieveil Pokemon: "Alcovich: 'You’re in terrible danger!'"
What would have really happened: "Alcovich: 'SANDY GET DOWN!' *tackles Sandy*"
Length: 10/10. Doing your chapters in chapters now, eh? Don't worry about it, just study for those midterms.
Detail: 10/10. Everything is beautifully described and detailed... except for the fight scene, which has absolutely zero detail. (I would give the fight scene a 1/10, for truancy.) Everything else is great.
Did Aaron cause the cave-in because he wants to deal with Arty2 himself? Is this a personal matter for him (how dare he burn down the timeless Great Oak Forest, he shall pay with his last drop of blood)? Or is he actually allied with Arty2?
On that note, who is Arty2? I'm guessing he's one of the Ronin we saw earlier, more sinister and dangerous than the Ice clan, and with his own agenda to take over/destroy the world.
Also, why would Thanasis and Noel spend time *hrhrm*sleeping rather than looking for an incredibly important and old cave drawing? Seems like misplaced priorities... or they forgot to rest up when they came to look for the drawing, and as soon as there was no more light, they fell like logs.
There are so many questions! You should start answering some of them through the story.
Length: 10/10. Another chapter for Chapter 4. How are the midterms going?
Detail: 9/10. You could have been a little more subtle when shipping Thanasis and Noel.
Nice touch with the cave description! I especially liked the bioluminescent moss. I wonder if the Zubat in the cave are integral to the story...
By the way...
Overall, very good job on the 2/3 of Chapter 4. I'll update the review when the final chapter to Chapter 4 comes out.
You had the perfect opportunity to make an awesome fight scene in Part 1, and you just let it die. Seriously.
No, I'm not actually mad about it.
Part 1
Content: 7/10. One, where's the fight, man? Why is Alcovich not breaking every bone in the Ice agent's body? Two, it was kind of unclear where the flashback began and ended. When I first read it, I didn't know why Sandy got shot in the back twice. When you do flashbacks in the future, try to make them clearer.By the way...
Medieveil Pokemon: "Alcovich: 'You’re in terrible danger!'"
What would have really happened: "Alcovich: 'SANDY GET DOWN!' *tackles Sandy*"
Length: 10/10. Doing your chapters in chapters now, eh? Don't worry about it, just study for those midterms.
Detail: 10/10. Everything is beautifully described and detailed... except for the fight scene, which has absolutely zero detail. (I would give the fight scene a 1/10, for truancy.) Everything else is great.
Part 2
Content: 9/10. I like the description of the cave and its bioluminescent moss, though it could have been said better. More plot twists and turns to keep the suspense up, as usual. Did Aaron cause the cave-in because he wants to deal with Arty2 himself? Is this a personal matter for him (how dare he burn down the timeless Great Oak Forest, he shall pay with his last drop of blood)? Or is he actually allied with Arty2?
On that note, who is Arty2? I'm guessing he's one of the Ronin we saw earlier, more sinister and dangerous than the Ice clan, and with his own agenda to take over/destroy the world.
Also, why would Thanasis and Noel spend time *hrhrm*sleeping rather than looking for an incredibly important and old cave drawing? Seems like misplaced priorities... or they forgot to rest up when they came to look for the drawing, and as soon as there was no more light, they fell like logs.
There are so many questions! You should start answering some of them through the story.
Length: 10/10. Another chapter for Chapter 4. How are the midterms going?
Detail: 9/10. You could have been a little more subtle when shipping Thanasis and Noel.
Nice touch with the cave description! I especially liked the bioluminescent moss. I wonder if the Zubat in the cave are integral to the story...
By the way...
Noel Wrote:Omg!Wth lol rofl y wd u abrv. wrds its mdvl clns&stf bro imo lol ttyl
Overall, very good job on the 2/3 of Chapter 4. I'll update the review when the final chapter to Chapter 4 comes out.