Legendary Pokémon

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Alcovich gave me the idea for this story.
This story has no connections with my other stories. It is a stand alone story.
Here is the prologue. (please note that actual Chapters will be longer. The prologue is just to introduce the story)
Comments and constructive criticism are welcome.


~ Prologue ~


Long ago, before any Pokémon Regions were established, there were clans. Pokémon were feared creatures whose power could not be contained because there was no way to capture them; therefore, the humans of the time formed the clans, which offered sacrifices and payed homage to the Pokémon that they considered to be “deities.” Each clan worshiped a Pokémon that they believed to be the ultimate Pokémon of its type.

There was the Fire Clan, who worshiped Charizard because it represented power and strength, both of which were held in high esteem in the Fire Clan. Then there was the Water Clan, who worshiped Blastoise because it represented tranquility and power. Finally, there was the Grass Clan, who worshiped Venusaur because they believed that Venusaur represented life and treachery. There were other clans, but these three clans crushed them and assimilated the others into their own.

The people of the crushed clans resented the Fire, Water, and Grass Clans and revolution ensued. The war against the clans fared well for the revolutionaries until the unthinkable happened; while the humans were fighting, a baby Charmander wandered into the battlefield. Some of the humans were sick of offering homage to Pokemon, so seeing the baby Charmander alone, and, ignorant of the fact that Charmander will eventually evolve into Charizard, they imprisoned it, bound it in chains, and tortured it. The Charmander suffered and cried out for its mother. Unfortunately, by the time the mother Charizard came, the Charmander had died. Outraged, the mother Charizard severely burned the leaders of the clans and destroyed all the land around the clans. The leaders survived and they did their best to make sure that history would never repeat itself. They treated Pokémon with respect and began bonding with them, and they learned to work together in harmony.

For the next thousand years, the descendants made sure they would treat all Pokémon with respect, and, over time, clans for each type of Pokémon began to sprout up all around the world, each with a leader who was a descendant of the surviving leader of the original clans. They cared for their respective type and made sure nobody abused any Pokémon ever again; however, as more time went by, the truth of the original clan’s history was slowly lost to the point that a relapse of that terrible calamity was unavoidable.
Damn that was some good prologue. Poor Charmander Sad
Very nice idea! I have absolutely no clue where you got that amazing idea!
(16-11-2013 11:24 PM)Alcovich Wrote: [ -> ]Very nice idea! I have absolutely no clue where you got that amazing idea!

I gave you credit!
(17-11-2013 02:12 AM)grassdragon Wrote: [ -> ]
(16-11-2013 11:24 PM)Alcovich Wrote: [ -> ]Very nice idea! I have absolutely no clue where you got that amazing idea!

I gave you credit!

Whatever do you mean? I could never think of such an amazing idea like this one!

So, when can we expect Chapter One?
(17-11-2013 02:54 AM)Alcovich Wrote: [ -> ]
(17-11-2013 02:12 AM)grassdragon Wrote: [ -> ]
(16-11-2013 11:24 PM)Alcovich Wrote: [ -> ]Very nice idea! I have absolutely no clue where you got that amazing idea!

I gave you credit!

Whatever do you mean? I could never think of such an amazing idea like this one!
You make me laugh so much!

(17-11-2013 02:54 AM)Alcovich Wrote: [ -> ]So, when can we expect Chapter One?
I'm not sure. It all depends on how inspired I am to write.

I've started Chapter 1. I'm about 276 words into it and that's with only 35 words of dialogue. The rest is description. I want to have another 1224 words before I post Chapter 1.
@GD
What I told you yesterday in the chatroom.Toungue

Btw,how many yers before Kurt and his Apricorn Poke Balls does the story take place?
Probably a few hundred (300-550 YBK).

That's Years Before Kurt.
(17-11-2013 09:18 PM)Alcovich Wrote: [ -> ]Probably a few hundred (300-550 YBK).

That's Years Before Kurt.

It's about 1,000 years before Kurt.
There's no such thing as a Pokeball yet.
~ Chapter 1-Thanasis ~

A soft breeze is blowing over the luscious, green meadow as Thanasis heads toward his Clan after taking care of some injured Spearow that fell out of their nest. Thanasis is tall, with short, dark brown hair. His eyes are the purest of green and his complexion is tanned because of the constant exposure to sunlight. He is wearing a light blue shirt and white pants. He stops to admire the flock of Pidgey’s that are flying north, it’s yet another sign that the long Winter is over and the renewal of Springtime is at hand. Thanasis’s clan is the Flying Clan. They migrate with the Flying Type Pokémon so that they can always take care of them. The Flying Clan is migrating back north to their home in the treetops of the Great Oak Forest. Unlike the members of his clan, Thanasis developed the rare skill of being able to communicate with Flying Type Pokémon. He is also the descendant of one of the original leaders of the the Clans. This led to his being chosen as the Leader of the Flying Clan without question even though he was only eighteen. Thanasis’s thoughts of the Flying Types are turned to the approaching beautiful Noel. She is a brunette with long wavy hair and sapphire blue eyes. Her complexion is also tanned. Noel is wearing a white blouse with an aqua blue skirt. She is second in command. They secretly have a crush on each other but neither of them realizes it and they are both too shy to tell the other.

Noel (slightly blushes): Hello Thanasis! Are the Spearow okay?

Thanasis: Yes Noel, I was able to heal them quite nicely.

Noel: Thank goodness. You’re such an amazing healer.

Thanasis: Thanks.

Noel: Don’t you just love days like today?

Thanasis: Yeah…They sure are beautiful.

The moment is ruined when another member of the Flying Clan interrupts them. His name is Ryan. Ryan is short, blonde, and unusually pale for someone in the Flying Clan. He is third in command.

Ryan: Thanasis, come quickly! There’s a Spearow attacking one of the children and we
don’t know why!

Thanasis runs back toward camp and finds the child that is being attacked. When Thanasis speaks to the Flying Types, it sounds like gibberish to everybody else. He sees the boy. The boy is about 12 years old.

Thanasis: Spearow, Why are you attacking this boy?

Spearow: This boy was making fun of and tossing things at one of my Doduo friends
because he isn’t a good flyer. I must teach him a lesson.

Thanasis: (frowns) Spearow, let me handle his. (to the boy) Boy, what’s your name?

Boy: Michael.

Thanasis: Is it true you were making fun of and throwing things at a Doduo?

Michael: Yes sir.

Thanasis: (frowns) You should know better than that boy. We are here to protect and care for all Flying types, whether they are good fliers or not. As for your punishment, first, you are to first apologize to the Doduo, and second, you aren’t allowed to play with any of the Flying Types for the rest of the month.

Michael: (mumbles) Yes sir.

By this time Ryan and Noel have caught up to Thanasis

Ryan: What was going on?

Thanasis: Michael was mistreating a Doduo and Spearow was defending its friend. Ryan, make sure everybody knows that mistreating Pokémon is forbidden and any infractions will be followed by punishments.
Ryan: Yes sir.

Ryan leaves to spread the word.

Thanasis (to Noel): It’s hard being the leader and having to impose such punishments on children.

Noel: That’s why you have me to talk to so you don’t have to carry the weight of it on your shoulders all the time.

Thanasis: You’re the best friend a guy could have.

Noel (blushes): Thanks.

In a clan many miles away

Leader: How are the preparations going?

Scout: Good. We’ve almost located the burial grounds.

Leader: Very good. Don’t screw this up.

Back in the Flying Clan, the sun is starting to set as the Flying Clan makes camp for the night. They are about a day’s journey from their home in the treetops of the Great Oak Forest.

Thanasis: It’ll be good to finally get home tomorrow and sleep in my own bed.

Noel: I know. Goodnight Thanasis.

Thanasis: Goodnight Noel.

The night is uneventful and soon all of the Flying Clan is asleep. Tomorrow is the day that they get to go home so everyone is already packed except for their tents.
The next day everybody is up early and is ready to go


Thanasis (addressing the Flying Clan) Yesterday, young Michael mistreated a Doduo. (the Clan gasps) For the rest of the month, Michael is not allowed to play with any Flying type Pokémon. Is that understood?

Clan: Yes sir!

Thanasis: Now that we have that taken care of, let’s depart for home!

Clan: Yay!

As the Flying Clan approach their home in the treetops of Great Oak Forest, Thanasis senses something is amiss.

Thanasis: Everybody stop!

Noel: What is it Thanasis?

Thanasis: Something is wrong. I can’t hear any Flying type Pokémon up ahead. I need to
go investigate.

Noel: Let me come with you.

Thanasis: Okay.

When Thanasis and Noel come to the edge of the Great Oak Forest, they stop dead in their tracks. The forest has been burned to the ground. Where tall, majestic oaks once stood, nothing but charred ashes remain.

Thanasis: (horrified) NO!!

Noel (crying uncontrollably): What happened to the forest?

Thanasis: I don’t know, but I’m going to find out. Noel, go back to the Clan and make sure they don’t come any closer. I’m going to see if I can find the Grass Clan to see if I can figure out what happened and why none of they didn’t stop it.

Noel: Okay. (she departs)

A few miles away, an old abandoned house has been turned into a cell. The house is composed entirely of Ash limbs and has one window. The house is empty except for the distressed Aaron, the former leader of the Grass Clan and the only survivor of the Great Oak Fire. He is chained to the floor. Aaron’s clothes are tattered with ash and soot from the fire. His normally brown hair is pure black due to the ash and scars cover his once unblemished face. A strange man comes in dressed completely in black. He walks over to Aaron.

Strange Man: Where is the Flying Clan?

Aaron: Even if I knew, I would never tell you, you filthy animal! You killed my friends and my family. I will not permit you to rob the Flying Clan of the same thing.

Strange Man: Then you will die here. (slams door and leaves)

Nighttime approaches. Aaron starts crying, not because of his impending death, but because of his mourning for his Clan. A Zubat perches itself on the window.

Aaron: Zubat, I don’t know if you can understand me but find Thanasis and warn him. Tell him that there are strange men after him. Tell him to hide his clan and if you can tell him
where I am.

The Zubat flies away.

Aaron: Oh well, I guess it didn’t understand me after all.
Back in the remains of the Great Oak Forest, Thanasis is startled when a Zubat perches itself right on his shoulder.

Thanasis: Hello Zubat.

Zubat: Thanasis, I bring urgent news. Aaron told me some strange men came and burned down the forest and took him prisoner but they were after you. He says to hide your Clan.

Thanasis: They were after me?

Zubat: Yes. Also, Aaron’s prison is approximately six miles away.

Thanasis: I need to tell my friend Noel what’s going on. Can you wait here and then show me where Aaron is?

Zubat: Yes.

Thanasis runs back to his clan and finds Noel

Thanasis: Noel, You must take the Clan to Zapdos’s den. Zapdos once promised me that if my Clan ever needed to be protected that he would protect them.

Noel: Where are you going?

Thanasis: I’m going to rescue Aaron. A great evil has befallen the forest.

Noel: No way you’re going without me. (to Ryan) Ryan, take the clan to Zapdos’s Den.

Ryan: Yes ma’am.

Ryan gathers the Clan and they head for Zapdos’s Den. Thanasis leads Noel to the Zubat who will lead them to Aaron.

Thanasis: Zubat, we’re ready.

Zubat: Follow me.

Zubat leads Thanasis and Noel through the remains of the Great Oak Forest and through a bridge over a gushing river and then finally to Aaron’s cell. Thanasis runs to the cell, breaks the door down, and releases Aaron.

Aaron: You came! I didn’t think the Zubat understood me but it did!

Noel: You poor dear. Are you okay?

Aaron: Physically? I’m fine. Emotionally? I’m a wreck. Listen. We must leave immediately. They might come back. I know a safe place not far from here. (to Zubat) Thank you.

Zubat: You're welcome!

Thanasis: Zubat says, "You're welcome!"

Zubat flies off and they leave and arrive at the safe place without any trouble and that is where they find out the horrible truth about what’s happened to their home.
Damn that is a good story, now i want more and more and more.
On a scale of 1-10, please rate this story on the following items:

Story content

Length

Details
10, 10, 10 it's an awesome story.
My humble thanks for naming the Flying clan protagonist after my name! I'm honored!

The least I can do is give you feedback in a form of written opinion and not in form of a scale. This way I believe I can explain myself better.

Story content, Length and Details I believe are intertwined so... It is very easy to read and enjoy without too much obsession in tiresome details. The initial background story is lengthy but with just the necessary information to catch up with the present moment and the start of the tale. It would be better if it was split in paragraphs to lighten the bulk of text and made clearer to the eyes of readers. The use of italics is a plus!

Characters are the typical adventurous types found in a lot of stories but they have a lot of potential and an interesting twist through their devotion and their role in their respective clan in this pokémon universe. Of course it's not easy to flesh out whole characters in such a short story.

The little talking zubat was an excellent idea. I loved it! It reminded me of the characters used in many great animated film for a comical relief. Brought to mind about Meowth and Wobbuffet in the series although without their silliness.

Sorry for the lengthy response! Smile

I can't wait to read the next chapter! Keep that imagination alive and soaring! Wink
(18-11-2013 08:16 PM)thanasis Wrote: [ -> ]My humble thanks for naming the Flying clan protagonist after my name! I'm honored!
You're welcome!

(18-11-2013 08:16 PM)thanasis Wrote: [ -> ]The least I can do is give you feedback in a form of written opinion and not in form of a scale. This way I believe I can explain myself better.

Story content, Length and Details I believe are intertwined so... It is very easy to read and enjoy without too much obsession in tiresome details. The initial background story is lengthy but with just the necessary information to catch up with the present moment and the start of the tale. It would be better if it was split in paragraphs to lighten the bulk of text and made clearer to the eyes of readers. The use of italics is a plus!
Will do! Thanks!

(18-11-2013 08:16 PM)thanasis Wrote: [ -> ]Characters are the typical adventurous types found in a lot of stories but they have a lot of potential and an interesting twist through their devotion and their role in their respective clan in this pokémon universe. Of course it's not easy to flesh out whole characters in such a short story.

The little talking zubat was an excellent idea. I loved it! It reminded me of the characters used in many great animated film for a comical relief. Brought to mind about Meowth and Wobbuffet in the series although without their silliness.

Sorry for the lengthy response! Smile

I can't wait to read the next chapter! Keep that imagination alive and soaring! Wink
I love lengthy responses! I love reading about what my readers think!
I'm glad you like it. This is far better than my writing style in my first fanfic, Arceus: The Untold Story (soon to be completed), which has little to no detail.
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