Hey guys, I've decided to start a FanFic. It'll be about a young Pokemon trainer named Grey, and his journey through the Kanto region. The FanFic will be loosely based on the games and anime, and will be set X years after the events of Red/Blue/Gold/Silver. Reply if you are interested.
This is my first FanFic, so when I post the story, please tell me what I am doing right and wrong so I can improve.
EDIT: This thread has been discontinued, and will remain only for archival purposes. It wasn't really going anywhere, anyhow.
I'm always game for FanFic. It sounds like it'll be pretty good.
I always like a new fanfic but too many people write about their adeventures in Kanto...I think it would be better if it was in Sinnoh/Unova since I haven't seen much about it
Well, I spent most of my gaming time in Kanto, and besides, most of the fanfics I've seen elsewhere have all been Sinnoh and Unova. No Kanto whatsoever.
So, what should I do? Just post the first chapter? Is there paperwork I have to fill out?
I've been working on it for a couple weeks now. (A couple days, really.)
You know what? I wanted to rewrite this, but I'm too lazy. So just take it.
The sun was too sleepy to get up. The wall of clouds was too lazy to move out of the way. The sky hung in perpetual morning over the town of Pallet. Inhabitants walked outside to drink their coffee, take their Rattata for a walk, or simply smell the fresh mountain air and feel the breeze in their hair.
I, however, was waiting outside of Oak's laboratory. I had been sitting here for just over an hour, playing cards with my friend and rival Sky. Pokemon were being given out today, and we were the first in line to receive them.
"Yes! Four sevens! I win the match!" shouted Sky.
"Not so fast, buddy. Four queens," I said triumphantly.
"Aw, come on, Grey! You cheated!"
"Well, so did you."
Sky was my official traveling companion. We had agreed, since we were eight, to travel the Kanto region, collect all eight Gym badges, and eventually fight for the title of Pokemon Champion. Now that we were twelve, we could finally do so. His usual wardrobe consisted of black running shoes, blue jeans, a sky blue jacket, and a white baseball cap with the word "Silph" on the front in stylized writing. Sky had short, blonde hair tucked away under his white baseball cap.
"Come on, Grey, I played my hand fair and square! I have a queen in my deck!"
"Well, I have a seven in my deck."
This is the way we always played, seeing who could pull off the most outrageous decks. I even got six tens once.
As we were bickering about who was the winner, Professor Burgundy, one of Oak's aides, unlocked the door to the lab.
"Well, boys, aren't you going to come in? I assume you're waiting for your Pokemon."
"Where's Professor Oak? Isn't he supposed to be giving out Pokemon?" Sky asked.
"He's... Ah, he's off surveying. They're planning a new city north of Pewter, in the mountains. There's a lot of iron and ore there."
We walked inside the lab, and the first thing that hit us was the snow. It was snowing inside the lab.
"Why in the world is it snowing inside, but not outside? We're in a building, and it's snowing!" I wondered quite loudly.
"Sorry, boys, but we have to keep it this way or Articuno will leave."
Articuno was standing on a table, crooning softly while another aide ran various tests on its feathers. "Cuno!" it cried when it saw us.
"And why would Articuno be in the Lab again?" I asked.
"We want to figure out what is creating such a strong armor in its feathers. Its feathers are so strong and resilient, even a Charizard's Metal Claw has trouble getting through. When we get done, it will greatly help Silph Co. in producing new, stronger Poke Balls."
We waded through the snow to a lab table set up with three Poke balls. "You know the drill, don't you? Each of these balls contains the regulation Starter Pokemon: Bulbasaur to the left, Charmander in the center, and Squirtle to the right. Which one would you like to choose? Pick wisely, the -"
"I've already chosen. I want Squirtle," I said.
"I want Charmander," Sky replied.
"Why in the world would you pick a type weak to my own?" I asked.
"One word: Charizard."
Professor Burgundy seemed taken aback at our haste and quick decision. "Are you sure? Well, here you go!" Sky took his Charmander and I took my Squirtle. We put the shrunken Poke Balls in our pockets.
"Why don't we step outside and have a battle? I'm sick of all this snow." Sky suggested.
"Articuno! Cuno!" Articuno shot at Sky angrily.
Once we were outside under the cloudy sky, I grew my Poke Ball to full size and released Squirtle.
"Squirtle squirt!" Squirtle was slightly small, but his face was beaming with delight and respect. I could tell we were going to be great partners.
"Aren't you going to nickname your Pokemon?" Sky asked me.
"Nah, I like Squirtle the way it is."
Sky and I lined up against each other and put our Pokemon in front of us. Charmander glared at Squirtle with a Leer that could pierce armor. Squirtle shrugged it off and flashed a smile to Charmander.
"The battle between Rivals Sky and Grey will now begin," I shouted, as I saw my friend as my enemy for the first time...
This is really cool
I'm looking forward to finding out what happens next.
I'm really curious as to why Articuno is in Professor Oak's Lab.
likelikelikelike
very nice beginning!!!!
Um, that was actually my rough draft...
I wanted to rewrite it (AGAIN), before anyone read it, because I didn't feel it was quite up to snuff. I was running low on time and just pounded out the majority of the story as quick as I could. I was going to explain a few things (like why Articuno was in Prof. Oak's lab, and why Prof. Burgundy was giving out the Pokemon instead of Prof. Oak), but I guess you guys like it the way it is. I'll have the next chapter out to you as soon as possible.
In the meantime, you guys decide: Should I come out with the next chapter, or present a revised version of the Chapter 1?
Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, here is Grey's Kanto Adventure, Chapter Two!
"Charmander, start things off with a Scratch!"
"Squirtle, use Tackle!"
Charmander ran towards Squirtle and scratched its upper torso. Squirtle jumped through the air and landed on Charmander. They both backed away quickly.
"Charmander, Scratch again!"
"Squirtle, block it!"
Charmander ran forward and scratched at Squirtle's neck. Squirtle whirled around and blocked the attack with its shell, then fell on top of Charmander. They jumped back towards their trainers; Squirtle ran back towards me and Charmander ran towards Squirtle. Charmander started leering at Squirtle again, in preparation for an attack.
"Charmander, Scratch!"
"Squirtle, Tackle!"
And on and on it ran, until Squirtle's shell was riddled with scratches and Charmander had shell marks all over him.
"Squirtle, Tackle one more time!"
"Charmander, dodge it!"
Charmander ran straight up to Squirtle and blasted it with a powerful Ember.
"Charmander! You didn't tell me you knew Ember!"
Squirtle threw in the towel and fell to the ground. I retrieved it into its Poke ball.
"That's because you didn't ask. Squirtle, come back! Nice battle, I guess you won. I'll take this guy to the -"
"WAIT! WAIT BOYS, I FORGOT TO GIVE YOU YOUR POKEDEX! WAIT!"
Professor Burgundy burst out of the lab at top speed, waving two bright red Pokedexes in the air. Sky and I were caught completely off guard.
"I FORGOT TO - Oh, there you are! I forgot to give you your Pokedexes! Here you are, boys!"
"Um... thanks?" I said.
The new Pokedex was sleek, shiny, and full of information on every single Pokemon known to the world. I put it in my jacket pocket to be easily drawn.
"Now that we have our Pokemon gear, let's go to Route One to train our Pokemon!" I suggested.
After a short stint at the Pokemon Center, we set out to Route One on our long journey...
SYNOPSIS: Grey and Sky had their first Pokemon battle, which Sky won. Professor Burgundy gave the duo their Pokedex. The duo set off to Route One. Alcovich decided to put synopses at the end of his stories. By the way, what is the plural for Pokedex?
Don't forget to comment and tell me what I am doing right and wrong!
(17-04-2013 03:37 AM)Alcovich Wrote: [ -> ]By the way, what is the plural for Pokedex?
i don't think it has one....
(17-04-2013 03:37 AM)Alcovich Wrote: [ -> ]By the way, what is the plural for Pokedex?
You could Pokedexes but I think it's better to leave it as it is.
Generally, I liked the way you write, but still I can't say I find the whole fic interesting. Let me tell you why. You, and most of the people here, begin your story just like the games. Or the anime. Trainers start their journey, get their Pokémon etc etc. Well, that's cool but we have played/read/seen it so many times, it gets boring. For me, a story is far more interesting when it's unfamiliar, unusual, strange, unexpected, but still makes some sense.
What I'm trying to say is that you could and should make your story interesting, different than the usual and certainly not what we expect.
I'm going to try to shake things up a bit by the time we get to Chapter Three. I want to get past the introduction as soon as I can and get straight into the meaty stuff. I can tell you that before the fellowship reaches the Elite Four, the Kanto world will be rocked at least three times. There will also be character death, Person-Person and Pokemon-Person fights, Mewtwo, and Arceus.
Should I make the chapters longer, or shorter? Vote by replying!
Chapters should be longer!
(17-04-2013 07:31 PM)Alcovich Wrote: [ -> ]I'm going to try to shake things up a bit by the time we get to Chapter Three. I want to get past the introduction as soon as I can and get straight into the meaty stuff. I can tell you that before the fellowship reaches the Elite Four, the Kanto world will be rocked at least three times. There will also be character death, Person-Person and Pokemon-Person fights, Mewtwo, and Arceus.
Should I make the chapters longer, or shorter? Vote by replying!
Longer chapters for sure. As for the Pokémon-person fights, I'd love to see someone fighting a Pokémon with a shotgun.
(18-04-2013 08:49 AM)Divided by Zer0 Wrote: [ -> ]As for the Pokemon-person fights, I'd love to see someone fighting a Pokémon with a shotgun.
DONE! DONE! DONE DONE DONE DONE DONE DONE DONE DONE DONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Holy Arceus on a stick, that is a good idea!
Shotgun v. Blastoise is SO in the fanfic!
On a more normal note, the chapters will definitely be longer.